The Art of the Empty Nest

The Art of the Empty Nest

By: Stephanie Andrews

Hello friends,

Please accept my apologies for being absent for the last two weeks. I was in Paris; despite the January rain, it was a glorious trip that I look forward to sharing more about soon.

An empty-nest client even had art with empty nests in it! Is this a coincidence? Remarkable!

Photography by Christina Wedge

I have a small confession: I have been putting off this article. Initially, I worried the topic might feel irrelevant to younger, single, or childless readers. However, I realized I was also grappling with my own sense of irrelevance as I get older. This isn’t a plea for pity, but an acknowledgment of a significant life transition. Having started Balance Design 23 years ago, I have found myself thinking deeply about this personal and professional evolution.

This recent empty nester created a family room celebrating the outdoors.

Photography by Mali Azima

From a home perspective, empty nesting has been both melancholy (no more scampering feet, reading books, or tucking into bed) and incredibly freeing. Here are four benefits I have discovered in my last four years of empty nesting:

1. More Space: My home is relatively small, but without two additional humans, it feels much larger.

2. A Cleaner Environment: Kids are messy. Now that it is just Ed and me, we have less clutter and more room for nicer things, so I am not worried about it.

3. A Proper Guest Room: For the first time since having children, I have a dedicated space for guests to stay, which is wonderful.

4. A Dedicated Home Office: This space continues to evolve, and I love having a place to keep paperwork organized.

This client had a family room goal of reducing TV focus (behind doors in the built-in) and increasing seating for hosting gatherings. Photography by Christina Wedge

I asked my client and friend, Jesica —who is both a recent empty nester and a therapist—to share her professional insight on this stage of life:

“Empty nesting is an enormous transition. It marks the completion of the life-changing experience of having children at home. Being in the middle of the stage personally, I’m being careful with expectations of myself and my family. I define expectations as “I have reason to believe something will go a certain way, because it has gone that way before.” Empty nesting is a singular occurrence – when the last or only child departs. It is not something any of us has done before, so expectations of how it “should” go or feel do not belong in the mix. Instead, giving myself permission to feel provides some ease and some pleasant surprises – people are often surprised at the mix and range of emotions that show up in this change.”

This empty nester wanted an intimate spot for the puzzles they loved.

Photography by Mali Azima

Another client and friend, Lizanne, recently completed a significant “nest upgrade.” Lizanne shared her thoughts on why she chose to remodel her home rather than move elsewhere. I loved her honesty, humility, and humor regarding the process of empty nesting!

“In our case, empty nesting didn’t just happen. There was a bounce back, thanks to Covid, cancer, and career changes. Having adult sons come home for a while is a topic in itself, but the back-and-forth gave us time and space to think about what we really wanted.

I guess the first decision is whether your empty nest is your forever home. For us, the answer was an easy yes – our neighbors are our closest friends, and we all have made a pact to stay in the ‘hood as we age. Also, our home has primary suites upstairs and on the main floor – optionality, if needed, someday.

Our next decision was self-awareness. Our eldest son came home from Colorado for a short visit and offered judgment: “Mom, your house looks and smells like old people live here.” Ahem. He was right. We had become nose blind to, I don’t know, mothballs and bacon. The stacks of magazines and books by the door?Invisible. Worn-out rugs. Tired throw pillows. Sagging cushions. Wall colors that hadn’t improved with time. I began to see our house in a new light.

The third decision concerned shrines to childhood. The soccer trophies, tempera self-portraits, pinewood derby cars, board games, thousands of T-shirts, and the sentimental and stained Babar comforter. We consulted our sons and agreed that each could keep enough memorabilia to fill a normal-sized closet. We were able to get that done with bribes – spend one day going through all of your stuff, and you get a dinner at Bones as a reward. (Don’t tell them, but the reward for me as a Mom was the one-on-one walk down Memory Lane as we looked at notes, photos, and report cards.) To my relief, our sons were more than ready for “their” rooms to become lovely spaces after this work was done.

The fourth decision is the least glamorous, but perhaps the most important. In a well-loved house, many mechanical and physical items break, become wonky, or become unsafe. In our case, it all happened at once – cast iron pipes failing, electrical wiring fraying, appliances giving up. So we made the big decision that if walls were being opened up, we would welcome that as an invitation to do what is beautiful, not just what was necessary. For us, the result was literally a whole house renovation – kitchen, laundry, three bathrooms, all living spaces, all bedrooms, all floors and lighting, even a basement refresh.

And finally, to renovate a house well-loved – we had been in it for 30 years – we wanted it to be new and old at the same time. To be familiar, yet refreshed. Sentimental, yet stylish. Lovely, yet comfortable. In working with Stephanie and her team at Balance Design, we were so fortunate to have experts (and I mean that) who paid attention. They preserved what was beautiful and meaningful to us, elevating our home while keeping it welcoming, colorful, and timeless. We couldn’t be more pleased!”

This room on the first floor is currently serving as a guest room. However, as they hope to age in place, it will become their primary bedroom. It is so cozy! Photography by Christina Wedge.

I was touched by Lizanne’s openness. Her perspective helped me see that this phase is a natural part of life’s journey. While accepting change is rarely easy, it is necessary. By evolving our homes, we can shift the focus from what we have lost to the freedom, beauty, and possible order that we have gained.

Until next week,

Stephanie